Journals6
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My Last Entry...here, at least.
1 min read
I think it's high time I retired my early-high school devArt account. I could put a little more effort into cleaning this place up, but I think I'd rather just start fresh. I'll leave this account here, because I want to keep the art I have here as a sort of memorandum to my early years of artistry. But I'm going to make a new account where I can start putting up some of my newer, higher-quality work, starting...probably now I guess. I haven't quite determined what I'll be calling it, but maybe anyone who strays across this old account might find their way to me again. So long, everybody. Until I post again. 
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Hey.
3 min read
Hi.
Hello.
Salutations.
....Eughhhh...
Hey, uhhh....remember when I said I might be coming back from my hiatus on deviantART? And that I was starting to get my life together?
Yeah...I said that like...a year ago, wasn't it?
Well as it turns out, the roots of my problem stretch deeper than I'd previously imagined. All this time, pretty much since the day I graduated - three years and counting ago - I've struggled with getting motivated to do...well, ANYTHING. So the past several years have essentially just been a perpetual cycle of me struggling to get motivated, telling myself I was going to work toward accomplishing goals today, getting depressed because I didn't...for like the hundredth time, getting distracted and forgetting about my goals, then remembering my goals, getting angry at myself for wasting time....and then the cycle repeats again. It's like a weekly thing.
I've gotten a lot better since high school though. I've been consistently getting stuff done around the house, when I would previously procrastinate my responsibilities for days on end. I've managed to hold down a job for the past couple years, and have actually ended up being a valuable asset...but it's still hard for me to just sit down when I'm at home and get anything done. No matter how much I wanted to accomplish something, I'd always just lose myself in some YouTube video or game...oh yeah, I couldn't even bring myself to play any kind of game that would require time or commitment for a while. I just played arcade games or Rougelikes for the quick high. I COULDN'T EVEN BUILD UP THE WILLPOWER TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES. ...How depressing is that?
I'd often end up blaming myself. I was just being lazy. I wasn't trying hard enough. And I would often beat myself up about all of it. But, like I said, the roots of my problem run deep. Turns out my ADD affects my life more than I'd assumed. Apparently, one of the most prominent aspects of this mental disorder is having characteristically low levels of dopamine in the brain - a neurotransmitter involved in motivation. I found this out when I stumbled across this article here:
psychcentral.com/blog/archives…
So since then, not only have I gotten medication for the ADD, but I've tried various other things to help me combat my brain - like carrying around a notepad of to-do's and rewarding myself with chocolate (which apparently has very high dopamine content) when I actually accomplish something.
Of course...that was two months ago.
...maybe three...
Even so, I'm going to try and persist. I'm still trying to claw my way out of this slump. I've matured a lot in the past three years, but I think I may still have a long way to go. I may have started to pick up drawing things again. I've got a few pictures scanned, and I'll be posting them up here over the next few days.
....I can't say I honestly expect anyone to read this, but it still feels good to vent, and just have this information out there. So if you out there happened to read through all this, well...there you go.
Hello.
Salutations.
....Eughhhh...
Hey, uhhh....remember when I said I might be coming back from my hiatus on deviantART? And that I was starting to get my life together?
Yeah...I said that like...a year ago, wasn't it?
Well as it turns out, the roots of my problem stretch deeper than I'd previously imagined. All this time, pretty much since the day I graduated - three years and counting ago - I've struggled with getting motivated to do...well, ANYTHING. So the past several years have essentially just been a perpetual cycle of me struggling to get motivated, telling myself I was going to work toward accomplishing goals today, getting depressed because I didn't...for like the hundredth time, getting distracted and forgetting about my goals, then remembering my goals, getting angry at myself for wasting time....and then the cycle repeats again. It's like a weekly thing.
I've gotten a lot better since high school though. I've been consistently getting stuff done around the house, when I would previously procrastinate my responsibilities for days on end. I've managed to hold down a job for the past couple years, and have actually ended up being a valuable asset...but it's still hard for me to just sit down when I'm at home and get anything done. No matter how much I wanted to accomplish something, I'd always just lose myself in some YouTube video or game...oh yeah, I couldn't even bring myself to play any kind of game that would require time or commitment for a while. I just played arcade games or Rougelikes for the quick high. I COULDN'T EVEN BUILD UP THE WILLPOWER TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES. ...How depressing is that?
I'd often end up blaming myself. I was just being lazy. I wasn't trying hard enough. And I would often beat myself up about all of it. But, like I said, the roots of my problem run deep. Turns out my ADD affects my life more than I'd assumed. Apparently, one of the most prominent aspects of this mental disorder is having characteristically low levels of dopamine in the brain - a neurotransmitter involved in motivation. I found this out when I stumbled across this article here:
psychcentral.com/blog/archives…
So since then, not only have I gotten medication for the ADD, but I've tried various other things to help me combat my brain - like carrying around a notepad of to-do's and rewarding myself with chocolate (which apparently has very high dopamine content) when I actually accomplish something.
Of course...that was two months ago.
...maybe three...
Even so, I'm going to try and persist. I'm still trying to claw my way out of this slump. I've matured a lot in the past three years, but I think I may still have a long way to go. I may have started to pick up drawing things again. I've got a few pictures scanned, and I'll be posting them up here over the next few days.
....I can't say I honestly expect anyone to read this, but it still feels good to vent, and just have this information out there. So if you out there happened to read through all this, well...there you go.
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I Got Minecraft
1 min read
About a month ago.
Screw everything. Screw game design. Screw other games. Screw me. Screw life.
Godammit, Minecraft.
Screw everything. Screw game design. Screw other games. Screw me. Screw life.
Godammit, Minecraft.
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Addendum: Overhaul
1 min read
Also, I'm scrapping Dyrf Comix. Just scrapping the whole thing. All of it. I'll leave what I can tolerate looking at up on my page, but as of now, it is CANCELLED. FOREVER.
..Ugh. >_<
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Overhaul
1 min read
Time goes on, the world continues spinning, and as it revolves, so do we.
Looking back on a lot of my previous works, I have to say I'm pretty...embarrassed by a lot of them. Consequently, I've taken a chink of them down to never again be viewed by mortal eyes.
...I did leave a couple of them up because they were actually pretty funny.
But yeah, for those of you who still follow this junk, I think I'll be officially retiring from comicking for now. (I mean it wasn't official for the last two years I hadn't put anything up but now... e_e ) Instead, I'm finally pursuing my dream of making awesome games. I've watched some videos about the soul behind a game (man, that Daniel Floyd...), I've started drawing up some really nice-looking sprites, and I think I'm on my way to finally getting this thing going! 
Wish me luck. (^O>O^)
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